The other night I was talking to Oprah, and by talking to Oprah I mean listening to one of her speeches on youtube…anyways she discussed the topic of Surrendering and I had what she would call an “aha moment”. She talking about how she auditioned for the color purple and she wanted it so much and she was on a track trying to lose weight and her thighs were clapping together and she just broke down from all the stress of the burden she was carrying. I’ve heard this story before, but she added more detail which really helped me relate it to my life, and quite frankly Im in the same position now as she was back then. She spoke about how people around her were telling her they wanted a “real actor” for the role and Alfrie Woodard was rumored to be auditioning so she didn’t think she had a chance.
I feel so much pressure to do well and succeed because I defied so many people by moving out to LA, and two years later, Im not exactly where I thought I would be despite all the “hustling”, Ive been doing out here. I want it so bad, but sometimes I wonder if I’m stifling my dream. I could relate, even though Im not fat, I am looking to find finical stability and a job thats not on call while I continue to create films.
Anyway, Oprah called out to God and surrendered all her burdens and it was a pivotal shift in her life. After that she got a call that Steven Spielberg wanted her for the movie and if she lost weight, she could loose that role so she went to a Dairy Queen. lol. Surrendering is a challenge for me. Its like a rabid dog outside thats fighting to get in. I want to fend it off and keep it at bay, but I guess I think I can handle everything. But they I get overwhelmed and I start to get into self destitute behaviors. I have to remind myself everyday to take my time and force myself to have fun. So far my stressors are my web series, work, finding a new job, money, and accomplishing goals I set. I’m sure once I get a new job my stressors with drastically go down, but until then I’ll be working on surrendering. Check out the video below.